Late Night Political Jokes for Dems

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“Yesterday, President Obama’s teleprompter was stolen. Police are on the lookout for a thief that’s eloquent and spreading a message of hope.” –Conan O’Brien

“Herman Cain is out there, he says a lot of provocative things. He said America should build its own Great Wall of China. Cain says it’s a great idea because if there’s one thing you don’t see in China, it’s Mexicans.” –Conan O’Brien

“You got to feel bad for poor Mitt Romney. He’s in their plugging every week, and every week somebody gets ahead of him. The people who have led Mitt so far: Donal Trump, then Michele Bachmann, then Rick Perry, now Herman Cain. He’s been led by a reality show star, a crazy lady, a stuttering cowboy, and the guy who brings the pizza. That’s gotta hurt a little.” –Bill Maher

“Herman Cain’s plan to save the economy is ‘9-9-9.’ He keeps saying it every day like the Count on Sesame Street. Well, this week we finally found out where he got it from. Not from an economist. He got it up from the guy who works at his local Wells Fargo branch. Literally, it’s like he went down to deposit checks, and the teller said, ‘Can I help with anything else?’ And he said, ‘Yeah, can you re-write the tax code?'” –Bill Maher

“Rick Perry has dropped 20 points in the polls in one week. They say he is so depressed about this, he hardly has the energy to execute anybody.” –Bill Maher

“Bill O’Reilly calls them drug traffickers and crackheads, he says they’re out here having sex outside at night. Bill O’Reilly – the only man in America who’s make Andy Rooney seem hip. He also said they’re practicing free love, as opposed to the kind Bill tried to practice and cost him a fortune in legal fees.” –Bill Maher

“Herman Cain said, starting today, if you buy into his 9-9-9 plan, he’ll throw in a free 32-ounce soda.” –David Letterman

“The Republican candidates are still looking for ways to stop Romney. See, it’s hard to disagree with his positions — because as you know, he’s taken every position.” –Jay Leno

Courtesy of DIRECT eZine, the newsletter of the San Diego County Democratic Party

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allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
@38_28_38 No! I worked long hours this week. Missing everything good! Thanks to you and my Twitter pals for keeping me up to date!
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
@Onbackground461 They insist on destroying any good that came from Sanders' movement.
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
RT @sadydoyle: OH ARE YOU DOING YOUR FUCKING YELLING SHIT RIGHT NOW ARE YOU BECAUSE HISTORY WILL LOOK WELL ON THAT I FUCKING PROMISE YOU
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
Somebody punch that anarchist in the fucking mouth. Please.
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
@38_28_38 @HillaryClinton you have to narrow that down for me. Which stunt?
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
@Wharfrat2004 @Maggyw519 I was thinking of the deadenders as the hardcore "bots". They'll make a career out of protesting.
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
The Berniebot contribution to society is zero. It will always be zero. They're entitled, lazy, unemployable, and worst than Trump's people
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
USA chants drowned out Berniebots!
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
Employers use social media postings of job candidates to make hiring decisions. Those anarchists/protesters will be jobless forever.
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
Berniebots actually think acting like total assholes at the DNC will persuade people to join them. They're losing support every day.