Romney Considers Party Switch For 2016

Multiple sources close to Mitt Romney say he is considering switching party affiliation if he loses either the Republican primary or general election.

“He is very disappointed that the base of the Republican party expects him to sound like a complete lunatic. Then, when he does sound all crazy, they still don’t like him” exclaimed one confidential source with close ties to the Romney campaign.

Romney believes that his religious affiliation is a Republican popularity anchor, especially with southern conservatives who are immensely influential in the party. “He is convinced that being a Mormon will not prove to be the handicap for a Democratic politician on the national stage as it has proven to be in this campaign. Those evangelical southerners are completely unreasonable. They think he’s in a cult!” exclaimed another Romney insider.

Campaign insiders say that Romney will never consider his life’s work complete if he is not elected President. “I’ve never seen a man so dedicated or driven.  He’ll do whatever it takes for as long as he has to do it, no matter how embarrassing, to win that office” said one advisor. “I’ve never seen anyone so obsessed with anything.  The closest comparison I can think of is a crack addict.  Romney is a political junkie and there is no way he’ll ever detox”.

Romney believes he will win the Republican nomination but is resigned to losing the 2012 general election. He has been relentlessly attacked by conservatives, and does not seem to be able to connect with the Republican base no matter how much he moves to the right. He believes this continual rightward shift to reach the base of the party will make him unelectable in the general election.

“I mean who would vote for someone who actually believed this stuff” Romney exclaimed following a Republican debate on Fox News. “The next thing you know I’ll have to pre-emptively declare war on Iran” That statement was proved true when Romney declared his intention to bomb Iran two weeks following that debate, while courting the conservative Jewish vote.

Romney will go through the motions in the general election, but he really has his hopes pinned on the 2016 cycle. He believes a party switch, or the “reverse Lieberman” as he calls it, would give him an inside track to the Democratic nomination. Romney expects to battle Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in the Democratic Primary, but believes he can outflank her on the left to win over the base of the party.

“Sure there will be some moments when he will be reminded of the positions he espoused during this election” said one insider. “But what other politician out there could make the transition to the far left better than Romney? It would be him coming full circle in a sense”.

When contacted, an advisor for Secretary Clinton officially said her office would not comment, but that was only after bursting into laughter and taking several seconds to compose himself.

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  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/ Designer Rants

    April Fools?

  • Doug Marquardt

    yup.