Stephen Colbert was invited to address his fellow elites at The TIME magazine 2012 Gala, a dinner to honor the 100 most influential people as determined by TIME, and he did not disappoint. Hat tip to diarist The Troubador at Daily Kos for the link in a diary which focuses on Colbert’s riff on the Koch brothers (with David Koch in attendance).
Colbert’s entire monologue is must read material, but in the interest of fair use I’ll only post his take on fellow attendee Timothy Cardinal Dolan in a segue which featured Sandra Fluke:
Also, Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke is here tonight. Also an instant, instant feminist icon. Famously tested, testified before Congress, that Georgetown, a Catholic institution,should be required to provide insurance coverage for her birth control.
Now, TIME 100 honoree, his eminence Timothy Cardinal Dolan disagrees — sir, lovely to see you again.
Of course, now some, some critics have said in response to this that if the Catholic church’s insurance does not cover Sandra Fluke’s birth control, it shouldn’t cover Cardinal Dolan’s Viagra.
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, that’s called celibacy plus. That’s how the pros do it. Because chastity is one thing, but it shows true commitment to uphold your vows when you are sporting a crook you could hang a miter on. Oh, wow, see you at mass on Sunday, sir?
I hope he doesn’t become Pope.
I’m a Catholic, it’s okay. I go to confession, it will be fine. Thank you.
A few minutes later Colbert wrapped up his speech with another pivot to the Cardinal:
But perhaps the most influential person on the list is here, Sara Blakely. The inventor of the Spanx. Give it up.
No one, no one has done more to control women’s bodies, except maybe Cardinal Dolan.
Cardinal, congratulations, sir, you are afeminist icon.