Senate Republicans defeated Democrats on the Buffett Rule with 45 votes, versus 51 votes. This phenomena is known as Republican new math.
Seperately, in a stunning reversal which shook the sports world, the National Football League called a press conference to announce that using Republican new math the New England Patriots had retroactively defeated the New York Giants 17-21 in the 2012 Super Bowl. The Giants have surrendered possession of the Vince Lombardi trophy which will be paraded through downtown Boston. New York City authorities have been put on a heightened state of alert as word spread that the Giants had lost the Superbowl, only outscoring the Patriots by 4 points.
Anomalies associated with Republican new math have spread around the nation following the vote. Rampant speculation spread that the Supreme Court would issue a 5-4 ruling that John McCain had defeated Barack Obama with 45.66% of the vote in 2008. Conservatives on the court believe Republican new math can be traced back to the infamous 2000 election ruling that George Bush defeated Al Gore with 47.84% of the vote. Justice Antonin Scalia is rewriting his irksome response to public questions on Bush V Gore from “Get over it” to “Get used to it”.
In other news, proof that the flat Earth is around 6000 years old has been approved for Texas science text books next year.
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