Late Night Political Jokes for Dems

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“President Obama came out with approval of same-sex marriage. He said that over the years, he has been going through an evolution on the issue. That makes opponents on the far right doubly angry. They don’t believe in gay marriage OR evolution.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Michele Bachamnn has announced she is now also a citizen of Switzerland. What better way to protest a president you think is socialist than become a citizen of a country with a socialist philosophy and a mandated health care plan.” –Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney responded today by restating his own views on marriage. He said marriage should only take place between two consenting rich people.” –Craig Ferguson

“Romney said he had no problem with gay people because one of his best friends owns San Francisco.” –Craig Ferguson

Yesterday New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said he’s not sure if he’s going to run for re-election next year. He’s said, ‘I’ll collapse that bridge when I get to it.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Police in Fort Wayne, Indiana, arrested a man for allegedly driving three blocks with four young children strapped to the hood of his car. Good to see Mitt Romney spending some time with the family, huh?” –Jay Leno

“Usually they do these on TV together, but in this case Santorum made the endorsement in the 13th paragraph of an email he sent out just before midnight. Sounds like somebody had a bottle of sparkling apple cider for dinner.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Santorum woke up this morning and said, ‘I endorsed who?'” –Jimmy Kimmel

“In the email, Santorum acknowledged his differences with Romney, but said they have common-ground thoughts about the economy and foreign policy. And they both like pleated Dockers.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“In the last year, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s approval rating has gone up 12 points. That’s impressive. Usually, the only time he picks up a dozen is when he goes to Krispy Kreme.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday on CBS, Newt Gingrich said it would be ‘inconceivable’ for Mitt Romney to choose him as a running mate. And today, Romney issued a statement saying, ‘Yep.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“And the Republicans, of course, were livid that on the anniversary of the killing of bin Laden, that Obama went over there and celebrated that. How dare he run for President using his accomplishments as President. We knew his campaign would be ugly, but stooping to facts?” –Bill Maher

“Could you imagine what Bush would have done if he had gotten bin Laden? I mean, this is a guy who played dress-up to celebrate a war he lost. If he had gotten bin Laden, he would have spent his whole second term in a Batman costume.” –Bill Maher

“President Obama visited Afghanistan — unplanned, unannounced, just went right to Afghanistan. Not to be outdone, Mitt Romney got in his car and drove through the rough part of Beverly Hills.” –David Letterman

“Mitt’s wife Ann Romney, Mrs. Mitt, said there’s another Mitt Romney that is wild and crazy. She says that one time he changed his name to Mitta World Peace.” –David Letterman

“This week the president unveiled his new campaign slogan, ‘Forward.’ … And Mitt Romney unveiled his slogan, ‘My money might be offshore, but my heart’s right here in America.'” –Jay Leno

Courtesy of DIRECT eZine, the newsletter of the San Diego County Democratic Party

This entry was posted in Barack Obama, Late Night Political Jokes for Dems, Mitt Romney, Satire and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
Day One of the DNCC: Kickass Speakers https://t.co/j2viL80n4e
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
@gotallier Their arrogance is nearly as incredible as their entitlement. They're in for a long, difficult life of disappointment.
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
RT @SteveKeller1990: I was a fervent Bernie supporter. I still am. Now I'm with Clinton, because she won the nomination. I have NO patience…
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
RT @pattonoswalt: Do the "Bernie or Bust" people know the "Bust" stands for "Donald Trump shitting out of his dick on America"? #DemsInPhil
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
Seems he hates the world since he lost that D.C. gig. https://t.co/eNv5uwoynD
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
Ugh. Had to work late and now I'm going to have to go back and watch all of the recorded speeches.
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
Berniebots will fuck it up, for kicks. RT Why the Dems are likely to become the majority party for decades to come https://t.co/bfgegggxAT
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
RT @PaulBegala: That's right. I wish more Dems and progressives understood this. https://t.co/52i0BW6Oh2
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
Stein is a fucking lunatic, like most anarchists in the extreme left. Best thing for Dems is they leave, FOREVER. https://t.co/EVKcy5s46L
allthingsdem
All Things Democrat @allthingsdem
Holy shit! This is a must see for all Dems. https://t.co/nIenHKugMx