Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker has hired Dr. James Kroll to be his White-Tailed Deer trustee, otherwise known as the Wisconsin Deer Czar. Of course being appointed by Scott Walker is a leading indicator that Dr. Kroll is a right wing freakazoid, and sure enough Kroll’s ramblings prove that point nicely.
Kroll is of the opinion that allowing the great unwashed masses to hunt on public land is “the last bastion of communism”. Please do not be fooled into thinking that Kroll is all aghast at the thought of the burly menfolk running about the landscape wantonly killing the local Bambi population out of some sort of altruistic sense of pity for the poor deer. Actually he is an outspoken proponent of canned hunting.
The Audobon describes canned hunting thusly:
Canned hunts are great for folks on tight schedules or who lack energy or outdoor skills. Microchip transponder implants for game not immediately visible are available for the proprietor whose clients are on really tight schedules. And because trophies are plied with drugs, minerals, vitamins, specially processed feeds, and sometimes growth hormones, they are way bigger than anything available in the wild. Often the animals have names, and you pay in advance for the one you’d like to kill, selecting your trophy from a photo or directly from its cage. For example, Rachel, Bathsheba, Paul, John, and Matthew were pet African lions that would stroll over and lick their keepers’ hands before they were shot in Texas.
Kroll thinks that allowing the locals to acquire deer tags at the sporting goods store before driving into the nearest national forest to traipse about looking for a deer to shoot is some form of statist plot. He actually prefers the medieval serfdom model. That is when the monied elite own the land and if you have their favor they allow you to the use of their property. Hopefully Kroll does not favor the same punishments handed down to medieval serf poachers, which included castration, hanging or being sewn into a dead deer skin and hunted down by dogs.
I was raised in Montana and my family is responsible for the untimely demise and consumption of much local wildlife. I still fear that at some point I may traumatize my wife given the wrong set of circumstances. If we are ever together in the woods and I have the means at hand, if I saw some meat on the hoof looking all tasty, I wonder if I would have the self control to not bring it down… causing certain marital discord and turmoil in our relationship. I know the histrionics and weeks of being in the proverbial dog house would be difficult, but venison is so nummers!
You may sympathize with my wife and cringe at my bloodthirsty, saliva generating attitude when it comes to the local wildlife, but the thought that some hoity toity big game canned hunt proponent would want to end this great American tradition is completely ridiculous. Wisconsin hunters should keep this travesty in mind as they decide who to vote for in the upcoming recall.