“Happy birthday to Donald Trump, who turned 66 years old today. He didn’t want a big party so he just invited a few close friends to comb over — I mean, come over.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Have you seen this video that’s gone viral of Mitt Romney having trouble trying to recognize a chocolate donut? It’s all over the web. At first he said, ‘Is that Beluga caviar on a bagel? What is that?’ That’s why he needs Chris Christie as his vice president. If anyone can identify a donut, it’s Chris Christie.” –Jay Leno
“A new book claims President Obama smoked a lot of marijuana while in college. And in a related story to boost his street cred, Mitt Romney admitted he was once hooked on phonics.” –Jay Leno
“Somebody has been leaking classified information. John McCain is outraged. He wants to get to the bottom of who is leaking the classified information and also he wants to find out who keeps messing with his thermostat.” –David Letterman
“Mitt Romney is going on a six-state bus tour. Mitt is very excited because he’s never been on a bus.” –David Letterman
“Mitt Romney visited a restaurant in Iowa, and had trouble thinking of the word for donut. Newt Gingrich merely responded, ‘That never would have happened if I were the nominee.’” –Jimmy Fallon
“Last month Mitt Romney raised $76 million. He found it in an old sport-coat pocket.” –David Letterman
“The last time I did a late-night show in Chicago, my guest was an up-and-coming senator called Barack Obama. And now just six short years later, he’s gone on to become a socialist Muslim from Kenya.” –Conan O’Brien
“Gov. Rick Scott in Florida is purging the voter roles. It’s so over the line that the county election supervisors are refusing to comply. And Gov. Scott said, ‘Hey, we just want to remove people in Florida who are either felons, deceased, or here illegally.’ Which in Florida leaves only 12 people.” –Bill Maher
Courtesy of DIRECT eZine, the newsletter of the San Diego County Democratic Party
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