That God. He’s such a jokster! We thought he was a Democrat when Sarah Palin announced that it was God’s Plan that she should be McCain’s running mate. Poor John! He didn’t realize that God was playing with him when God told him to pick Palin. John probably thought God wanted him to pick Palin so he’d win. What a prankster that God is. Who would have expected God to be involved in such tom-foolery. Maybe God had too much to drink that day, or maybe he’s just getting to be old and ornery, but the joke was on McCain.
Until today some people were not willing to admit that God was a Democrat. Even though Democrats were focused on helping the poor and middle class, it seems the Republicans are the ones always talking about God. Now we have proof. Some people thought it would take a Miracle for President Obama to be elected to a second term in light of the economic hardships facing the country. Even if it wasn’t Obama’s fault, and even if he did everything that man could do to fix the problems facing the country, atheists around the country proclaimed that a Republican would inevitably win the 2012 election. Even Bill Clinton said, “It’s the Economy Stupid.” Now God has done it again, and we didn’t see it coming. He has a way of sneaking up on us when we least expect it!
When God told three different Republicans that he wanted them to be President, the Republicans didn’t realize that the joke was on them. When Rick Perry make a fool of himself in the GOP debate God was laughing.
He was laughing again when Michelle Bachmann ate corny dogs at the Iowa fair, and bribed people to vote for her in the Iowa straw poll.
God thought it was particularly funny when he told “Herb” Cain to run for the GOP nomination and then had women standing in line to tell about his sexist attitudes and a 13 year affair with a woman named “White”.
He was particularly proud of the irony of having a Black man run to be the nominee of the party of Bigots. God must be a genius!
God thought He was particularly clever when he chose Rick Santorum to run on an anti-abortion platform, even in cases of rape, but positioned Rick’s wife to have a history of living with an Abortion doctor for 6 years, who was 40 years her senior, who was so old he delivered her when she was born. In case that wasn’t funny enough, they lived above the abortion clinic.
When all of his “chosen” candidates dropped out of the campaign, it was the Mormon who was left. God must have been laughing so hard by this point that tears were running down his cheeks. But He was just getting started.
Then he had the GOP Convention delayed due to a hurricane. Some might suggest that the organizers of the Convention used poor judgment in selecting a location in Florida, during hurricane season for their convention, but it was really God sending a message. The message was that God was unhappy with the Republicans because they had treated women badly, or maybe because God was a woman.
Next he got Romney to pick Ryan for his Vice President, and within just a few days He had Todd Akin talk about “legitimate rape” and women “shutting that whole thing down.” Just in case anyone missed the fact that Ryan and Akin co-sponsored the forcible rape bill before Congress,Akin’s comments made sure we were paying attention.
God set up his final joke by making sure we knew the story of Romney telling a mother of four children, from his own church, that she should risk her life to carry a pregnancy to term. She had blood clots. She had already gotten permission from the Mormon Church for an abortion. She thought she owed it to her living children to ensure she was around for their high school graduations. Mitt told her that she should risk her life and protect that unborn embryo. That story has been known to the public since at least August of 2012. However to make the joke even more obvious, God made sure that everyone who buys groceries knew about the story by having it make the front page of the National Enquirer just as early voting was starting.
Then God had Rick Perry, the one who called Romney a “vulture capitalist,” go to Colorado to campaign for him.
Just in case the Republicans hadn’t caught on by the time early voting had begun, God had to get one more jab in before the election. Romney made one commercial for a candidate for Senate, Richard Mourdock.
Then God had Richard Mourdock explain that if a woman was raped and became pregnant it was God’s will. God made sure that Mourdock did that just as early voting was starting. We’ve all heard that “it was a message from God,” but until now we didn’t realize that he got involved in politics. Only God can talk about politics and religion at the same time. He is an expert at telling the funniest stories.
We don’t know if the Republicans have a sense of humor, but we know God does. He’ll be laughing with us on Nov. 6th.