Sorry America, Keith Ablow’s Not Running

Call me surprised – Media Matters reports Keith Ablow, has decided “he will not run for Secretary of State John Kerry’s former U.S. Senate seat.” Ablow, Faux News’ resident “Psycho Analyst” as News Corpse likes to call him, gave this statement to Boston’s FOX 25:

“As I made clear, with the sprint to the Special Election in June, a primary fight was not in my blood. I have conferred with my chief advisor Roger Stone, who agreed with my assessment of a primary as an unwise choice for me…”

Are some of these Conservatives so crazy they don’t realize that the folks who watch Fox and Beck are not enough to get them elected, and mainstream America will laugh them out of contention. Here are but a few pearls of wisdom  from “Dr.” Ablow:

“I believe that in those cases in which a man can make a credible claim that he is the father of a developing child in utero, in which he could be a proper custodian of that child, and in which he is willing to take full custody of that child upon its delivery, that the pregnant woman involved should not have the option to abort and should be civilly liable, and possibly criminally liable, for psychological suffering and wrongful death should she proceed to do so.”

His theory as to why Newt Gingrich would make a good President:

peanuts-lucy-advice1) Three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect that they decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him.

2) Two of these women felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married.

3) One of them felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married for the second time, was not exactly her equal in the looks department and had a wife (Marianne) who wanted to make his life without her as painful as possible.

Conclusion: When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we’ll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we’ll want to let him go after one.

Unhappily married? Dr. Keith says don’t divorce, “consource“:

Why not just stay in the same house, continue to work together financially for the good of the family, and, perhaps, even sleep in the same room (without sexual contact expected by either individual)?

In order to avoid the myriad costs of divorce, why not free one another from the expectation that one’s husband or wife is responsible for anything more than being a good partner in parenting and finance and a good roommate?

Those who agree to a “consorce” are inherently agreeing on a “Don’t ask; Don’t tell” policy regarding their romantic lives. That part of their individual behavior becomes entirely private, again, and I believe it is best to never mention it to one another.

Perhaps one of his most cockamamie diagnoses – the health-care mandate is “dangerous for Americans“:

[T]oday it could be health-care, tomorrow it could be a hybrid vehicle that you are penalized financially for not buying.It takes control of your behavior in the way that a parent would of a child, and it diminishes us in terms of our autonomy and ability to achieve things even for liberty on the world stage, quite literally…

It absolutely infantilizes Americans, because listen, even adolescents or younger kids, they dream of the day when they are in charge of their own money…. What it does is deposits us back as children, when economically more than ever we need to be adults.

Then there was the time he told parents they shouldn’t let their kids watch Transgendered Chaz Bono on Dancing With the Stars because just seeing the audience applaud for him might make them question their own sexuality.

I could give you my opinion about Ablow, but in this instance, I’ll leave that up to  Lewis Black:

“I don’t know if letting your kids watch Chaz Bono will turn them into transsexuals, but I’m pretty sure letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes.”

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